Zine Fail

This Zine was a submission for a degree module. I’m still experimenting working in multiples but I am interested in taking my work in this direction.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Zine fits on one side of A4. 31/01/2010

Sketchbook - Update

Having trouble finishing these pieces..

Full Circle - 08/12/09

‘Circle & Cross’ – Deadboy

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Automatic Writing Session – 1/12/09

Stimulus – Birth.

“She is not with me. How can I trust anyone now I have lost her. Nothing is right & I seem further away from Love than ever before. How can this be I have caged myself put myself in a corner & now I am vulnerable to attack they will take this from me at least try but I cannot let them this is all I am nothing else is left of me I wish I could incarnate again try once more loose myself in the abyss become a radiant star shining in the flood of her desires. But I cannot bare the pain of lonelyness any longer no more all is lost & not right in the kingdom the princess still sleeps the knight is without a steed to pull his chariot that carries the graal keep it for my own? it is not mine. One of them asked me the time today I kept it to myself & withdrew the light kept it divided N.O.X what does that show you? I demanded answers it was the simple fact that I am ashamed not complete & I do not want her to see me like this I did not ask for this I did not know the journey would be so hard & I am too weak not like others I see them glistening & golden but I am silver & broken just like him & tried to fight with a God & have fallen I have lost everything in an instant & have forgotten the happiness I enjoyed it was my own fault tempted but I can only blame myself for taking the knife cross my heart hope to die stick a needle in my eye childhood was happy but I shame myself with what I did I was filth & hate the times before I sleep when these disgusting memories come back to remind me of what I am no better than an abomination I can never forgive myself only try to live with the pain that pain that has carried me it is the same pain that has divided us into different peoples of different tongues of different customs but the prophet says that it is for loves sake but how can love happen with so much pain we are born from pain & that pain never leaves us. There is nothing to do now but work alone by myself to know myself I will take two of everything that was saved from the water & build a forest, a city, a guild, a tower if it will please her still not a word comes from her peaceful slumber I do not have the courage sorry to disappoint that's all I ever do since birth I am disappointment & always will be this is my pain & the Joy of the World. Creator Forgive me for what I have become. Angel save me. Love find me.”

‘Birth’ - 8cm x 30cm. 2B Pencil on paper. Artist’s Blood. Varnishes.

Automatic Writing Session – 25/11/09

Stimulus – Life (The Great Seal & Atlas Moth). 16:30 – 17:05.

“This is the path I have chosen & I must walk it alone with no one to be my crutch I look to heaven &I see the destruction of great nations of free people reduced to slaves that serve in his horrible name Jesus the Nazarian who who shepherds his flock of sheep but they are not with us we are alone & walk in the light of the sun our secret centre our heart & tongue lance & graal turn me & make me a glorious Angel with black wings & four faces. But wait what is this Love? Love that is a lie told to small children propagated by idiots that know not what love is. There is NO compassion in LOVE. The universe is not made that way who says you are right? God? He left you & me a long time ago the old ways are Black & so is Love. I am not. I hate them all these who kill our Brothers & Sisters it is they who are the monsters them who should Be burned & left to rot in history as Devils that is exactly what they are those enemies of Liberty, Life, Light & LOVE I should End it for them They are a cancer for the rest of us. Have no compassion they show none the animals of our kingdom show none it is the way of things. I cannot & wont blame her for leaving me I won't she was being true to herself it is always me that is not true not pure blood will change me blood can help can’t it? For I have nothing else to lean on friends not I have none of those one should only need ones self that should be enough. who dies now? no one I guess I have not have I? One thing I do know is that I am not with my Love I long for her what must I do to show her I want her back Please love me please descend & meet me in union I am lost without you in my life but I am always so easily distracted by these Harlots Are they your gifts or a trick to take this Fool is what I am 11 are of us now what? When? Where should I go they try to take this work from me but I will not let them this is my will the Blood stains but is washed away in conviction of being wasted not but used to create Art Pure & True without Lust of Result or a care of the world thinks but always I long for acceptance for Union. I start to think the Blessing won’t ever find me No Keep on & care not feel Not. Pain Moves you & Will alone Saves.”

Life – 11cm x 30 cm. 2B Pencil on paper. Artists Blood. Varnishes.

Update – Death & Union.

Death - 11cm x 28cm. 2B Pencil on Paper. Artists Blood. Varnishes.

Union - 9cm x 27cm. 2B Pencil on Paper. Artists Blood. Varnishes.

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Automatic Writing session – 15/11/09

Stimulus – None/Freehand (Striped agaric)

“why won’t this pain Stop. Am I making progress at? I think not. It has become harder for me to put down my thoughts my mind isn’t clear & these cuts remind me of past lives that hurt me in the Dark they come in their legions to bite at me I cannot Stop them what can I do Nothing seems to be going my way. My consciousness thinks sometimes of the cuts heal it is comforting in a way but you won’t find me bleeding & laughing in the corner of a dark room. No. This is my expression a way of entering this universe & communicating with the divine When my arm bleeds it becomes my palette, my blood is my paint & the dagger is my brush. These are weapons I have chosen to arm myself & I love my tools like they are a part of me. The paint especially moves me makes me feel alive & at rest. Strange my blood gives me calm & focus while another's fills me with ecstasy & desires. Tut to structured where has my connection to the divine disappeared too? These words are forced connected to one another Trapped to they & I. Free myself by blood I hope I can I do not want to be stuck in this place it is not my vision. Curse it & throw it in the fire. Send it away.”

Nothing - Unfinished.

After this experiment I have decided that to help preserve my work I shall varnish all my sessions.

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