Saturday, 5 December 2009

Automatic Writing Session – 1/12/09

Stimulus – Birth.

IMG (1) “She is not with me. How can I trust anyone now I have lost her. Nothing is right & I seem further away from Love than ever before. How can this be I have caged myself put myself in a corner & now I am vulnerable to attack they will take this from me at least try but I cannot let them this is all I am nothing else is left of me I wish I could incarnate again try once more loose myself in the abyss become a radiant star shining in the flood of her desires. But I cannot bare the pain of lonelyness any longer no more all is lost & not right in the kingdom the princess still sleeps the knight is without a steed to pull his chariot that carries the graal keep it for my own? it is not mine. One of them asked me the time today I kept it to myself & withdrew the light kept it divided N.O.X what does that show you? I demanded answers it was the simple fact that I am ashamed not complete & I do not want her to see me like this I did not ask for this I did not know the journey would be so hard & I am too weak not like others I see them glistening & golden but I am silver & broken just like him & tried to fight with a God & have fallen I have lost everything in an instant & have forgotten the happiness I enjoyed it was my own fault tempted but I can only blame myself for taking the knife cross my heart hope to die stick a needle in my eye childhood was happy but I shame myself with what I did I was filth & hate the times before I sleep when these disgusting memories come back to remind me of what I am no better than an abomination I can never forgive myself only try to live with the pain that pain that has carried me it is the same pain that has divided us into different peoples of different tongues of different customs but the prophet says that it is for loves sake but how can love happen with so much pain we are born from pain & that pain never leaves us. There is nothing to do now but work alone by myself to know myself I will take two of everything that was saved from the water & build a forest, a city, a guild, a tower if it will please her still not a word comes from her peaceful slumber I do not have the courage sorry to disappoint that's all I ever do since birth I am disappointment & always will be this is my pain & the Joy of the World. Creator Forgive me for what I have become. Angel save me. Love find me.”

‘Birth’ - 8cm x 30cm. 2B Pencil on paper. Artist’s Blood. Varnishes.


  1. I think my camera and your thoughts would make the uni combust into flames just looking at the result.

  2. I'm finding out that it isn't hard to shock these repressed UCLAN Employees. I agree! I feel a deadly collaboration emerging. One that would cause the establishment to crumble!

  3. Heya!
    I like your automatic writing sessions, letting the mind flow like that often reveals some really interesting sections that you perhaps would not have written if you'd been sitting thinking about it consciously. I especially like this bit:

    "I will take two of everything that was saved from the water & build a forest, a city, a guild, a tower..."

  4. Thank you! I'm glad that you can enjoy the written content of my work for what it is, Automatic Writing.

    I hope to see you around the Zine Fairs!